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  What If Your Child/Student Is the Bully?

First and foremost, it’s important to remember that bullies are made, not born. Unfortunately, bullying has become a widespread issue, affecting not only educational institutions but also other places. It can be disheartening to discover that the person responsible for bullying may even be someone close to you, such as a classmate or even someone living in your own home.

There is this incredibly powerful program that has gained worldwide recognition for its ability to combat and prevent bullying. It’s called Olweus (pronounced Ohl-VAY-us). This program takes a comprehensive approach, addressing various aspects of bullying. It defines bullying as the repeated exposure to negative actions that involve an imbalance of power. These actions can range from physical acts like hitting and kicking, to verbal abuse such as name-calling and threats. Even behaviors like obscene gestures and intentional exclusion are included. The Olweus program aims to create a safe and nurturing environment for everyone, free from the harmful effects of bullying.

There are many reasons why a child engages in bullying behavior. Bullying can be a complex issue with various underlying factors contributing to its occurrence. While it’s important to remember that every situation is unique, understanding some common motivations behind bullying can provide insights into how to address it effectively.

One possible reason why a child may choose to bully others is a desire for control or a sense of power. In some cases, bullies may feel a sense of superiority when they exert dominance over their peers. This need for control can manifest in different ways, such as physical aggression, verbal insults, or emotional manipulation. It’s crucial to recognize that children who engage in bullying behavior may be struggling with their own insecurities and use bullying as a means to gain a sense of control in their lives.

Another motivation for bullying is the desire to increase one’s peer status. Some children may believe that by belittling or hurting others, they will be more accepted or respected within their social groups. This desire for social validation can lead to the mistreatment of others, as bullies seek to establish themselves as influential or popular individuals. Addressing this motivation involves creating a positive and inclusive social environment where children understand that true acceptance comes from kindness and empathy, rather than intimidation or aggression.

It’s important to note that not all bullies are solely motivated by a need for control or social status. Some bullies may paradoxically be victims of bullying themselves. In an attempt to cope with their own experiences of being mistreated, they may lash out and replicate these behaviors onto others. This cycle of bullying can often be a cry for help and may require a different approach in addressing the root causes of their behavior.

If you find yourself in a situation where you have to deal with a child who is engaging in bullying behavior, whether it’s in your advisory class or your own child, it’s essential to respond promptly and appropriately. Open communication is key – talk to the child to gain an understanding of their motivations and feelings. Addressing the underlying issues and providing appropriate support and guidance can help redirect their behavior towards more positive interactions.

It’s also important to involve parents, teachers, or other relevant authority figures to ensure a coordinated approach in addressing the situation. Implementing anti-bullying policies and fostering a culture of respect and empathy within schools and communities can also contribute to the prevention and reduction of bullying incidents.

Remember, every child has the potential to change their behavior when provided with the right support and guidance. By addressing the root causes of bullying and promoting empathy and understanding, we can work towards creating a safer and more inclusive environment for all children.

It is crucial to understand that parental involvement is key to stop bullying. As a teacher, you are most likely regarded as a second parent of a child in school so you can help, too. To begin with, here are some simple steps you can do:

               1. Acknowledge the problem. Do not deny that your child is the bully. Instead, talk to the child and let them know what is going on and that you are taking it seriously/ directly tell the child that the act will not be tolerated.

               2. Be a hands-on parent/teacher. Be ready to listen. Keep communication lines open. Know whom the child hangs out with. Be involved in his activities.

               3. Lessen violence at home. Stop watching violent movies and video games. Be aware of your own behavior as well.

               4. Reinforce positive behaviors. Remember that you can sample and teach kindness, empathy, and compassion by providing opportunities for cooperation. For example, have a pet for the child to take care of, enroll the child in meaningful classes that enhance talents and skills.

5. Provide classroom and school activities where responsibility and cooperation are emphasized.

   6. Seek professional help, if needed.

If bullying is not checked and managed, this can lead to serious consequences and even life threatening events. Help the child get back on the right track with strong compassion. Keep communication lines open, be firm, and consistent. Soon, the bully will be no more but the kind child you first held in your hands or you first saw saying “Good morning, Teacher!” to you at the school gate.

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References:

Bullying: A Module for Teachers. APA.org. Retrieved on May 15, 2013.

Coloroso, Barbara. The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander: from Preschool to High School—how

Parents and Teachers Can Help Break the Cycle of Violence. New York: HarperResource, 2004.

Whitted, K.S. & Dupper, D.R. (2005). “Best Practices for Preventing or Reducing Bullying in Sch

ools”. Children and Schools

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